In early 2000, I had an episode of vertigo while doing my usual yoga stretches. I had no idea what was happening to me and got very scared. The vertigo only came on when I would be in certain positions - mostly lying flat on my back or bending forward. I went to the doctor the next day (the first of many I saw) and she told me that I had benign positional vertigo. She gave me no further explanation, but sent me to the pharmacy to get Meclizine. I thought this would solve the problem. You can guess what happened! The medication didn't work, and I got more concerned. A week later I went back and saw yet another "doctor du jour" (as we call them in my former HMO system). She could tell me even less about what was wrong with me. Meanwhile, my symptoms continued to get worse - I felt "fuzzy", "detached" and very weak. No one could tell me what was wrong though. Since my father had had viral labyrinthitis several years before, I started to believe that that's what I had. Problem was, it wasn't getting better, but worse, complete with spatial disorientation, feeling like walls would close in on me when shopping, etc., etc. Two more "doctors du jour" diagnosed me with labyrinthitis and told me I could expect about six months' worth of recovery. Great - - very encouraging -- just what I needed to hear -- NOT!

Fast forward to four months later when I finally paid out of pocket to see an outside doctor, who told me that I did not have an ear problem. "This is not an ear problem" were her exact words. Because she could see what I could not (my extremely high anxiety level), she referred me to a psychiatrist. I didn't think I needed one but went anyway. He diagnosed me as being anxious and depressed. I thought, "Yeah, right. I have a physical illness and that's what's causing the depression, not the other way around!"

After finding the right psychiatrist for me, I started therapy and anti-depressant medication. The side-effects from the Zoloft were pretty minimal and I decided to stick it out because by this point I really didn't feel I had any other choice. Also, having a competent psychiatrist who was accessible whenever I had a concern about the side-effects made a HUGE difference. I can't overstate how important it is to have a doctor/therapist you can trust. On top of the medication, I'd go in once a week for therapy, too. As the months went on, I got stronger physically and emotionally. It was definitely not an overnight thing. I still had crying jags and felt really hopeless much of the time, but as the weeks went on, I found I was crying a lot less and I was feeling better. My emotional and physical recoveries happened concurrently, no question about it.

Eventually, I was able to start running again and thought I was completely out of the woods. I also went back to yoga. Uh oh. One fine day, as I was doing those same yoga stretches, I had another attack of vertigo. I freaked out because all I could think of was that I was going back to where I had started. With the help of my family, friends and therapist, I was able to get through it. I went back to the competent ENT, who gave me the Epley Maneuver. It cured me in one try.

Now I was really curious to find out what had been going on all that time. I came across an article on BPPV which talked about its causes. In addition to the usual suspects (hitting your head, and so on), it pointed to hanging your head backwards - in the sink at the hairdresser, in the dentist's office, or in certain YOGA POSES as a major factor. Bingo! I had pinpointed the cause. Just to be sure, I stopped doing yoga for several months and had no more episodes. Although I still do some of the easier stretches, I no longer do anything that requires me to bend backwards or have my head hanging unsupported. I also now believe I never had labyrrinthitis or any other ear condition other than BPPV (which was cured the second time around in a matter of minutes). In my case, because of my anxiety level, depression, and the inadequate medical care I got at the start, my physical symptoms spiraled further and further out of control, along with my emotions. I now see that my physical symptoms were caused by my emotional state. They were real, no doubt. They were not "in my head". But they were definitely caused by my precarious emotional state and the panic I had whipped myself into wtihout even realizing it.

I realize this is very long, but I just wanted to especially reach those of you who have been told you have a psychological rather than a physical condition. Believe me, I would NEVER discount what someone is experiencing. I just want to tell you that I was told the same thing, and back then, I didn't believe it. I was too much in the middle of it to be able to see what was going on. Anxious? Depressed? Me? No way! Or so I thought.

So, that's my story and I hope that maybe it will be of some use to some of you. The one thing I do want to say is don't give up hope. I remember being at the bottom of the pit and wanting to do nothing other than die because I felt so awful and was convinced I would never get well (thanks to reading too many horror stories on the internet -- be careful of this, too). I did manage to recover and you will, too.